"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
01/07/2020 at 11:37 • Filed to: None
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"Spanfeller is a twat" (theaspiringengineer)
01/07/2020 at 11:37 • Filed to: None | 1
| 22 |
I always loved 911s; I thought they were weird, and technical, but specially, I thought they were relentlessly fast. The few submersions I’ve had into a 911's cockpit always proved to be great automotive experiences. Enough to write home about.
But I’m in the company of a 911 today, and I feel like I have nothing to write home about. You see, this might be a 997; a flat six, twin turbo, 480hp monster that would shame Ferraris, and catch Lamborghinis with their pants down, no matter if those had two or four more cylinders. Yet, this isn’t a regular 997 turbo; oh no, this one has a five speed slush-box.
Which makes me think; companies like Volkswagen should have a secretive office, deep in their corporate guts, that deals with hopeless cars like this one.
Call it a “Futures department” that should be able to judge cars before they went on sale, based on how we’d criticize them ten or twenty years onwards.
Because back when the 997 Turbo came out in 2007; we already knew that double clutch gearboxes were reliable enough to mass produce, and VW already made cars with them, so did BMW, and so did a slew of other manufacturers. Which makes me wonder why Porsche let their marketing experts put an automatic gearbox in a 911. A 911 generation that was rushed to fix the important flaws of the previous one. Would it sell more? Yes, very probably. But it also ruins the experience, it makes the car feel like it’s not working.
It’s strange, from an evolutionary standpoint this isn’t anything other than a pretty 996; and the 996 was a new chassis as opposed to an evolution of a decades old one like the 993; but it carried over the rear suspension.
It might be as shameless as a 200hp Diesel Cayenne; which of course never existed. Even Porsche has some limit to their idea of changing the brand. People caught up with Porsche on the 997 automatics; the 997 Turbo fetches 20k more for a PDK one, and probably upwards of 50k more for a manual one.
It seems ironic, then, that I’m in an automatic 997 Turbo; the last generation to have a manual offered for the Turbo models. The 997 also was the last 911 to have hydraulic steering assistance.
It drives surprisingly strange; it feels remarkably like a 993; the cockpit feels tiny, the ride is uncompromising hard, the steering is tight and lightly assisted, the front end is light, and it’s tail happy... the list of similarities goes on, and on. Except for the brakes; these ones have a long throw, which is unsettling at first but allow for more precision. The interior is better put together than the 993; which is to be expected since it was no longer hand-made, and the engine is much more engaging than that old air-cooled turbo... It makes me think that with a manual or a PDK, this car would be an utter success, worthy of all sorts of praise.
It remains an unsympathetic car, a villain willing to screw you over at any opportunity that you give it, the gearbox however, feels like its cute yet incompetent assistant. An assistant that might kill you both out of its sheer stupidity.
The gearbox and the driver are in a relationship worthy of couples therapy; it’s like neither wants to listen to the other, and they need a mediator. Eventually there’s one situation in which the gearbox’s programing is in harmony with what you want to do... It downshifts nicely into lower gears during braking, and it holds them on acceleration; when you’re really pushing the car it works adequately; like an inexperienced driver with a manual perhaps.
But otherwise it feels out of sync with the car; it reminds me why so many people are automatic skeptics nowadays; the early 2000s were a sad, dark era of slow gear changes and limited involvement.
Which brings me back to this necessary futures department; an area that needs to look at frivolous products like tacked-on infotainment displays, PAX system tires, etc.... and tell manufacturers that those shouldn’t go on their higher end cars; the ones that will most likely be collectable in no time. A department that back in 2005 would’ve looked at a 997 Turbo with a five speed auto, and told Porsche to hold their horses and that the possible sales couldn’t possibly make up for the loss in performance, that owners would look down at 997s because of it... All these things would’ve been great.
But now it’s 2020; and as the 992 rolls out with yet another trim unavailable with a manual transmission
and possibly the first hybrid
or fully electric 911 to be revealed soon after,
it’s a bit too late to care about their past
. Maybe it’
s too soon to call the 992 a success, or too late suggest that it go through a futures department and stop Porsche from dropping another manual option even if the PDK is a great transmission.
Porsche is definitively a different company than it was twenty years ago;
when the 997 was being designed the Cayenne was still unproven
. Which means that even without a manual base model, we could probably see a 912 come out... with a manual box.
Meanwhile this 997 is trapped in 2008; when it was made, with a horrifying gearbox, reminding us to always look ahead, and that selling out to consumers is not always the best option.
MonkeePuzzle
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:42 |
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great parking spot.
those seats are SO boring looking. Real shame, Porsche have some greating looking seats. Those look like cheap vinyl dealies out of any current model mid-range commuter car.
Future next gen S2000 owner
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:47 |
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The only fatal flaw is that it isn’t sitting in my driveway with my name on the title.
SBA Thanks You For All The Fish
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:52 |
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Er, I have to ask— You do realize that VW didn’t acquire Porsche until 2012, right? When the 997 came out, actually, Porsche was on top of the world, and the Exec suites Porsche guys were flirting with taking over VW.
Thus the 997 gearbox was NOT some VW half-assed measure. That is one formidable piece of kit— with either transmission option.
Grindintosecond
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:56 |
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Twenty years ago at a previous job, I got to meet, or at least see, some exceptionally wealthy people driving out to the airport, regularly, to hop in their jet(s) and go fly somewhere. What they drove out, over time, was a selection of fine automobiles. Every single one of which was an automatic. The first watercooled 911? Automatic. Ferrari 456 GTm? Automatic. Defender 90? Automatic. Every. Single. One.
Which made everything they drove just a car to them. Nothing was special anymore.
Made it a lot easier to find argument in my feelings about how they lost contact with regular life and people, especially after how they treated a whole city while moving their NFL team, something they are getting sued over .
So an automatic in a turbo 911? Yeah, there’s enough sales to drive that decision because its just image to some. As they would never be caught dead in a horrid automatic piece of shit Cadillac. (Something I never saw them drive)
benn454
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:59 |
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You have to remember that most Porsches are sold to rich
poseurs who buy it for the name and
wouldn’t know a dual clutch from a CVT. That is who the slushbox 911 is for.
Tripper
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 11:59 |
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I’ve seen more Auto than manual 911 turbos. Just awful.
Source: Valet for 5 years.
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Spanfeller is a twat
> benn454
01/07/2020 at 12:02 |
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Even rich poseurs deserve a semblance of resale value
Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
> MonkeePuzzle
01/07/2020 at 12:03 |
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Porsche’s base seats feel great but look kind of meh by today’s standards. The leather grain is rough and there isn’t much detailing aside from the characteristic Porsche fixed headrest.
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Spanfeller is a twat
> SBA Thanks You For All The Fish
01/07/2020 at 12:04 |
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VW and porsche were always close collaborators. Even if they formally merged until 2012.
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Spanfeller is a twat
> Tripper
01/07/2020 at 12:04 |
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Ugh...
Its only the early ones at least
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Chan - Mid-engine with cabin fever
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 12:05 |
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Yeah, the Turbo isn’t Porsche’s sweet spot for driving fun. If you ever get your hands on a PDK or manual 997 base Carrera or S, those are a blast.
Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 12:07 |
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I feel like I would be perfectly okay with driving a 911 turbo with a 5 speed auto.
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benn454
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 12:13 |
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Meh. They can afford to get hosed.
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benn454
> Grindintosecond
01/07/2020 at 12:19 |
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I never cared about the Rams or the NFL, but Stan Kroenke is a just a piece of shit who married into Walmart money. He'd likely be just as much an asshole had he been poor.
Ash78, voting early and often
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 12:23 |
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I remember looking at my first car in the mid-90s, back when VW/Audi/Porsche dealerships were almost always under the same roof. The 911 had just introduced this “Tiptronic” transmission, which was the best of both worlds!
It had little toggle switches on the steering wheel (ON the freaking steering wheel! Buttons!) that let you shift gears up or down. You didn’t even have to move the shift lever. Pretty groundbreaking.
A lot of things seem like a great idea at the time...
Thomas Donohue
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 12:51 |
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You make it sound like the trans from a seventies Lincoln Continental.
While the manual was still preferred, the Tip box was plenty quick enough. It was actually quicker because it keeps the turbos spooled up . Doesn’t sound so ‘horrifying’ to me.
It is no surprise that Porsche’s Tiptronic electronically controlled automatic transmission is good, but it is a surprise to learn that it makes the 2007 911 Turbo quicker down the drag strip.
https://www.roadandtrack.com/new-cars/road-tests/reviews/a12584/2007-porsche-911-turbo-2/
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Spanfeller is a twat
> Thomas Donohue
01/07/2020 at 13:02 |
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Down twisty roads it’s out of touch. Maybe for the time it was pretty good, but it’s not up to speed in a
utomatic or manual modes.
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Spanfeller is a twat
> Ash78, voting early and often
01/07/2020 at 13:03 |
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They use those types of buttons for a long time before settling for two paddles on either side of the wheel, even on PDKs... yuck!
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Spanfeller is a twat
> Highlander-Datsuns are Forever
01/07/2020 at 13:04 |
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Honestly I’d feel cheated if I was the first owner; specially since the automatic was only on sale for two years, and then the facelifted one came out, with a better box’
But yeah, my criticism is from the perspective of driving fun; as a cruiser it’s not that bad; a bit too noisy for the highway but it’s well planted and plenty powerful.
My bird IS the word
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/07/2020 at 13:10 |
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Automatic 911, hell naw. Pdk 911, ok.
las997
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/08/2020 at 10:09 |
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you own one
Full of the sound of the Gran Fury, signifying nothing.
> Spanfeller is a twat
01/08/2020 at 11:17 |
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The problem is that there are always people that will buy the most expensive model because it is the most expensive, not because they plan on using it for the performance. How many M5 drivers complain about the noise and ride, but wouldn’t be caught dead in a more comfortable, and more appropriate for their needs, 550i, just because it cost less than the M5? An old friend of mine now owns my modified E34, but he doesn’t corner hard and doesn’t really appreciate the suspension mods I did to that car. And he has an E39 M5, and doesn’t corner hard in that one either, and thus completely misses the point of a couple of great vehicles.
And what about ‘performance’ SUVs? Manufacturers are just building what a majority of the market wants, and raking in cash hand over fist.
These compromised vehicles, like that automatic 911 Turbo, will depreciate in value faster than their enthusiast-focused brethren, and will be the first ones sent to the scrapper when something goes wrong. And, to be honest, that is just fine. Most of the car is the same as the driver-focused models, and will make great parts donors to keep the ones that are loved on the road. With a 911 it’s even better, since the engine is more likely to survive when idiot rich guy on the phone rear-ends someone.
I have to admire the CEO of the talent agency I once worked for. Even though he could easily afford any flashy sports car that he wanted, he chose to drive a fairly basic RWD 911 Targa. No 4WD, no turbo, no whale tail or widebody kit. Buying a more basic model, even if you could afford something fancier, strikes me as a more ‘enthusiast’ move, and whilst they may not be what keeps a brand afloat, is the more admirable type of owner.